So, two nights ago, Juliana had gone to bed first while Olivia finished getting ready. When I took Olivia to bed, Juliana looked a little funny to me. Her eyes wide open and fixed on nothing. She was holding her breath. It may have been a seizure or maybe just a "Rett Episode". Who knows, welcome to my world of guessing. Anyway, I started stroking her hair and just asking if she was ok. Olivia, without skipping a beat, takes Juliana's hand and whispers, "It's ok mommy. I'll take care of her." And then I ran out of the room before she could see me cry. I wasn't sure why I was crying. At first maybe just because I was in awe of this mighty little four year old that so carelessly was going to "take care" of her big sister through the night. And then I was crying for this little girl that was so little and so burdened. I hate to use the word burden, but I just wish with all my might that Olivia didn't feel like she "has" to take care of her. She is four years old. I just want her to be a kid. I looked at the monitor about 30 minutes later and they were both asleep holding hands.
So, last night, the girls were in bed. Juliana was asleep but I could see Olivia stirring. Suddenly, I hear her sweet four year old voice whispering things to Juliana and I look on the monitor and she is stroking Juliana's hair, just as I had the night before. I tried really hard to listen but I couldn't make out what she was telling her.
This morning on the way to school, Olivia was a bit of a grizzly bear. So I scolded her and told her this is why she needs to go to bed early and get her rest. She started crying and said, "Mommy I was just telling sweet things to Juliana!" So I asked, what sweet things? She was singing a song that she had learned from school (Children's Discovery Center) called "I'm Something Special." Here are some of the lyrics:
When Jesus sent you to us, we loved you from the start.
You were just a bit of sunshine, from heaven to our heart.
Not just another baby for since the world began,
There's been something very special for you in His plan.
That's why he made you special
You're the only one of your kind.
God gave you a body and a bright healthy mind.
He has a special purpose that He wants you to find.
So He made you something special.
You're the only one of your kind.
What amazing lyrics for some especially devoted sisters. And it made me realize, while our situation is not ideal, and it does carry extraordinary responsibility, we have a beautiful family. And Olivia is the way she is, because while she will go on to do amazing things in her life (of this I'm sure) maybe right now her purpose is to be an awesome sister and amazing daughter! I mean she is four years old, I can't even obligate her to clean up the playroom some times. She does all of these things because her heart is full of love and compassion and she doesn't feel burdened, I'm pretty sure she feels blessed. I know I do.
This is really beautiful. You've got two amazing girls.
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